I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
