:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
