you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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