maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
