god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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