I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
