I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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