So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
