If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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