Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Say something about gay babies.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
