Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
