I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
