it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
