I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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