You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
