Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well you can't waste a boner
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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