I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
