dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
