great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
