Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
