She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
