I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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