the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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