just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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