We need to rekindle our bromance
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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