Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize