so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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