Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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