it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
