ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
