Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
