I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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