Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
