Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
