i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
