If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
