apparently the secret to your success is patron
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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