I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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