So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
