i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
