I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
