she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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