I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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