so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
