If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
