hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
