I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
