I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
