at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
