how hairy? two words: wookie tits
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
