my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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