We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
