Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
