I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
