I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
