I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
