I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
