he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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