I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
