I'm really into asian looking animals
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
