I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
