I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
