i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's like iHOP with fire
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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