The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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