i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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