my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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