You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
