I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
