I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize