...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
