i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
