we have officially lost it.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she peed on how many people?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize