Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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