there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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