If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
