My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
