I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
