i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The uberlube is also flammable
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
