I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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