Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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