My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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