You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
